we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
