i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
