so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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