I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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