mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize