he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize