his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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