You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
