what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
