I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
