So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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