i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
