there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
