Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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