its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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