he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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