I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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