I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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