I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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