We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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