I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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