i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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