This dress was meant to end up on your floor
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
