I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
