I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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