I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
