his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it glows. i had to have it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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