Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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