Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We smell like vodka and hangover
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