4 words: hood of his car
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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