Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she peed on how many people?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
