your parents love me but you hate me
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were trust falling into bushes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
