3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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