I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
