Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we're so committed to being not committed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
