I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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