hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
