im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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