The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
