Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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