at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
