I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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