Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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