I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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