Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
