Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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