Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
