Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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