So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
