Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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