yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
