I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
