So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
