I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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