So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
