Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
