I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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