I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize