life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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