Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
