i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the day after is always just damage control
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
