Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize