I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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