Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
