ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
