WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
