is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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