i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
