Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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